That which does not kill us makes us stronger
There's a lot of things people don't know about me and they're always surprised to find out that I've been engaged before. Twice.
Each of those breakups meant the beginning of another thing for me – a continuation of a whole new life.
I ended my first engagement four months before the wedding due to some major conflict; my partner was heavily involved in substance abuse and spent five years feeling like I was drowning with him. When I ended the relationship I threw myself into my education, trying to make a better life for myself and reach my goal of being the first female in my family to hold a bachelor degree. That was the end of an abusive relationship for a life long relationship in art and journalism.
My second engagement ended more as a result of that relationship with journalism and art. People who know me, know that I tend to throw everything I am into what I believe in and what I'm passionate about.
Unfortunately, it tends to come at the exclusion of all other things, like relationships. It's hard to share or be with a partner who perceives your career as almost a lover – and therefor a threat. Believe me … you have no option or ability to console or ease that perception.
I was nearing the completion of my degree, had secured a fellowship and then an internship that would lead me across the US for about 18 weeks. My intent was to go back to school for my masters that following winter, but, sadly, because I couldn't commit the time to the relationship or provide the reassurance that I was coming back – he left me.
In the end it worked out for the best – he moved forward with his life, making excellent choices that I couldn't be more proud of or feel somewhat responsible for (although he doesn't know this!). As did I. In the three years since that happened I've seen and experienced a lot that I would otherwise not have. I understand, now, the reason for why either of those things happened and rejoice in the wisdom that I've gained from being a part of their lives.
My mom's family is quite literally an amazonian clan of women and I take these experiences to my young cousins and hope that it helps them realize how relationships will shape their lives. My only hope is that they will never be involved in one, at the sacrifice or expense of a dream or a passion.
Sometimes if one lays their life down for another they will find they go on a journey that is far better and fulfilling then what they would have achieved on their own.
This also means to be able to encourage each other to pursure their callings and vocations and to find mutual fulfilment.
Great read thanks Craig b
Thanks for your kind words and reading the post. I agree; you have to be able to encourage and support one another in a relationship. It won’t work otherwise!
- Erin